Mayonnaise Monkey

Yes, I'm a mayonnaise monkey. Of course, not just any mayonnaise will do. Kraft and Hellman's taste like plastic sugar. The only great tasting mayonnaise out there in the grocery store is Duke's Mayonnaise.

I grew up eating Duke's, and, perhaps, that's why I like it. I remember seeing on some food show that there is no one mayonnaise that the masses prefer over the others in a blind taste test. People almost always choose the mayonnaise that they grew up eating. So, if you grew up eating Kraft, you probably think that mayonnaise is supposed to be sweet. I'm sorry for that mis-information.

Duke's was created in Greenville, SC (my home state) in the early 1900's, and is widely available in groceries in the Southeast. What makes it taste so good is that it is made with natural ingredients, just like if you were making your own mayonnaise from scratch. You should try this sometime. Homemade mayonnaise is rich and very satisfying. The Original Duke's Mayonnaise doesn't contain any sugar, so right there you have a completely different mayonnaise from the other national brands - great for diabetics, too. The reduced fat and light varieties do contain sugar, but it is a very small amount comparatively.

What to do if you're not in the Southeast? I've had friends bring me jars of the stuff as they pass through the area, and I have brought jars back on planes after visiting home. This Christmas holiday I had the full luggage and person search which revealed my many bottles of smuggled mayonnaise and wine used to terrorize Delaware and Pennsylvania. Needless to say, I got funny looks.

You don't need to plan your next vacation down South to smuggle your weapons of mass destruction. You can order the stuff from their website, or - yippee! - I have located jars of the Original Duke's Mayonnaise at Super G grocery store on 202 in Concordville, DE. Look around your area, there might be some lurking on a shelf.

My mayonnaise secret - I actually like that cold, generic macaroni salad you find at every salad bar across the country. Yes, I do know that it comes out of huge tubs, is horrendously fattening, and is not considered a fine food. I always take a little and act like I'm trying it for the first time - you know, just to see what it tastes like. I'm so ashamed.