Goody Good Stuff Strawberries and Cream

A vegan product! I'm turning pro-health. This is actually a more beneficial stance than last year's anti-health campaign. Everyone died. This product, sent all the way from the UK, has a name that reminds me of obsolete parabolic tales about children with improbable names not following the Golden Rule and dying horribly.

"This story was in a little booklet the Corn Fluffies people had sent out. In the story some children, who were supposed not to eat some certain fruit because it was poisoned, had eaten the fruit and became sick. If they had stuck to Corn Fluffies they would not have become sick."

In that vein, Goody Good Stuff definitely has a bad run-in with a wheat thresher.But I digress. Goody Good Stuff is, despite its ill-fated moniker, quite good. The Strawberries and Cream is, by some act of God, made without dairy products. The shape is similar to Jujubes and tastes like the exact replica of Creme Savers, were they both vegan and in gummy form. To me, that's absolutely brilliant. The gummies are separated into two flavors, the strawberry and the cream, so that Monk can organize his into piles and eat them separately should he so choose. But for the rest of us, they are preferably eaten together in joyous harmony. The gummies are springy and chewy in texture and do not stick to the teeth, yet are not chalky and sticky like fruit snacks. For people with a constant supply of Wet Naps and Monk, though, there is a slight tackiness to the individual pieces. But it's okay.The strawberry tastes deliciously fruity, with a distinct strawberry flavor and a somewhat floral aftertaste. I found myself preferring the cream-flavored gummies, because not only were they milky and only slightly sweet, they were not made from that pasty, slimy marshmallow gummy mutant but also actual gummies themselves. Thank god for that.I made this hollowed out grapefruit because I wanted to create a visual and simple representation of the congruity between factories and nature of these gummies and their noble goal, thusly inching society one step closer to an all-encompassing Soylent Green dictatorship. Also, because I wanted to make a grapefruit skin suit a la Buffalo Bill. Actually, that's the only reason I did that.

On a scale of zero to Sharkies, these don't quite have the same fleshiness nor the shape of a majestic Great White, as Sharkies do, but are a delicious alternative and rank somewhere in the second-tier level of Trolli and Black Forest. I have done far too much examination into this. My dissertation shall follow. ("Mein Snak: The Rise and Fall of the Third Mike and Ike")