Homemade Peanut Butter, Two Ways

Tina Fey, in her new book, Bossypants, (thank me for the advertising later, Tina) says that she knew she was a woman when some guy yelled obscenities at her from his car window. Likewise, I knew I was a woman when, at fifteen, I was approached by a 26 year old male wandering around my neighborhood with a jar of peanut butter, asking me if I wanted to lick it off his scrotum. I declined, but we sat in his mom's minivan and he started crying because he was living at home after failing to get a job in stand-up comedy. Man, middle school was awesome.

Well! Peanut butter, like hummus, is one of those spreads that I am okay with, but really not enthusiastic about. Sort of like Nick's hairy scrotum. Par for the course, I like my foods savory, sandwiches included. I'd die if I had a nut allergy, but my enthusiasm has kind of waned for the sticky, smeary stuff. Until now. I don't think I've ever found a recipe so immensely satisfying and so simple. Two base ingredients and an infinite number of possibilities. Spicy curry peanut butter? Check. Chocolate peanut butter? Easy. Even white chocolate peanut butter is as easy as chucking it in the blender.

Spread the Restaurant makes over 70 kinds of gourmet peanut and almond butter, but at around $10 a jar, you can make pints of it at home for that price. For our first test run, we made a regular sea salt and honey as well as a butterscotch flavored peanut butter. Both were delicious and all too tempting to eat out of the jar.

Butterscotch Peanut Butter

Ingredients (yields 1 cup)

12 oz. dry roasted, unsalted peanuts

4 oz. butterscotch chips

1/3 cup of canola or peanut oil

Sea salt to taste

1. Weigh ingredients. Place all the dry ingredients in a blender and use the pulse setting to crush the ingredients until combined.

2. While you are letting the ingredients blend, slowly pour in your oil and keep blending until the mixture is smooth or at the consistency you like. We like smooth. Store in a jar for up to three months.

Sea Salt and Honey Peanut Butter

16 oz. dry roasted, unsalted peanuts

1/4 cup of honey

1/3 cup of canola or peanut oil

Sea salt to taste

1. Weigh ingredients. Place peanuts, salt and honey into a blender and crush on an even setting for about three minutes. Be persistent- the mixture will look like soft, sticky candy, but still needs to be blended completely.

2. When the mixture is fully incorporated, pour in the oil as the machine is running. When it's at the desired consistency, pull it out and jar for up to three months.

This makes any sandwich or spoon the star of the show. Nom.