Green Grape Pie

Growing good-looking grapes is not easy. As with most fruit crops, grapes need loads of chemicals sprayed on their foliage and fruit throughout the growing season in order to get anything you would even consider sticking in your mouth. (That’s why grapes are high on the list of foods with residual pesticide.) Organic or non-organic pesticide (go argue amongst yourselves), thin-skinned table grapes need pesticide if you want to be rewarded by fruit.

Efforts have paid off, and we managed to salvage about fifty percent of the fruit growing from two Lakemont grape vines growing on a pergola with a minimal, but regimented, spray program. Previous years had very low percentages (lucky to get a handful), so I was quite pleased to take home a heavy plastic grocery sack of grapes. My partner took home a bag, too, as well as the not so pretty grapes, which were crushed to make grape juice.

I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my bounty of grapes – make grape pie! I know. WTF? I’ve never eaten grape pie, much less heard of it, until I saw it on some show somewhere (Food Network, god bless 'em) and thought, “Gotta try that sometime.” Well, the time has come. And gone. As has the pie. I ate it in two days. I’m quite efficient.

I would have to say that my favorite fruit pie is cherry, but after eating this grape pie, I questioned the ranking order of my fruit pies. Grapes are round and cook down like cherries, and, if you had blindfolded me, I might have guessed this pie was a tart cherry pie.

This grape pie was tart due to the fact that these homegrown grapes were tarter than store bought grapes, but these fresh grapes were not tart to the point of making your face squench up. I’m not sure what a pie made from store bought grapes would taste like, but I’m guessing good, as there are plenty of recipes out there for green or red grape pies.

This pie is not the prettiest thing I’ve made. Make grape pie and serve it to your family; buy some puff pastry and make grape tarts to serve to your friends. Your family already knows you’re a screw-up, but you’ve worked too hard making your friends believe you’re perfect, so make pretty little tarts to impress the friends. Give it a go. Try something new. Your disillusioned friends will think you’re a genius.

Green Grape Pie

2 pie crusts
7 cups green grapes
1 1/2 cups sugar (adjust according to sweetness of grapes)
zest from 1 lemon
1/8 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons butter

• Crush 3/4 cup of the green grapes in a saucepan.
• Add remaining grapes, sugar, lemon zest, salt, and cornstarch to the crushed grapes.
• Heat fruit on stove, stirring occasionally until the juice has thickened.
• Fill pie crust with fruit. If there is excess juice, use a slotted spoon to transfer the fruit, so the pie will not be a wet mess.
• Place pats of butter on top of pie.
  
• Top pie with the second crust, crimp pie edges, and cut slits in the top of the pie.
• Place pie on a foil-lined baking sheet to avoid cleaning headaches.
• Bake in a preheated 425° oven for 30 minutes or until golden brown.