PB&P Sandwich

Is there a "gross" sandwich that you enjoy? You know, one that cannot be found on menus, so has to be made at home. And when I say home, I mean alone so as not to be mocked.

Mine is a peanut butter and pickle sandwich, and I am far from alone (just google it!) in craving this particularly glorious and satisfying juxtaposition of creamy and sweet peanut butter with crunchy and salty dill pickles. Some prefer the sandwich with sweet pickles, but I prefer dill.

I was introduced to this sandwich by a friend in high school (no, we weren't stoned), and instantly thought my friend was bonkers, but, being open minded, made myself one as well. Fabulous!

A little different than most peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, I make mine on a hot dog bun. Hot dog buns seem perfectly made for pickle spears, and five or so bites is all I really need to satisfy the occasional craving for this sandwich.

So, what absolutely fabulous "gross" sandwich do you make for yourself when no one is watching?

Pickled Jerusalem Artichoke

I’m not a frequent canner. It’s an all day job, and when you’re done, you’re left with a bazillion jars of an item – great if you’re building a bunker and never coming out, or dream of becoming the Pickle Fairy and sprinkling your fiends and family with gifts.

There is one thing that sends me straight to the kitchen to don my Pickle Fairy tutu, and that’s Jerusalem artichokes – the knobby tuber of a sunflower with thin brown skin, and crispy white flesh.

Gifted with two huge bags of Jerusalem artichokes last Friday, I was on the hunt for canning jars that evening, and in the kitchen the next day making Jerusalem artichoke pickles. (I swear I'm not a complete dork. I went to a show, out to the bar, and took in Sixers game that weekend, too.)

Last year I canned Jerusalem artichoke relish, which is my absolute favorite way to eat Jerusalem artichokes, but pickles are the next best way to eat these tubers – at least in my opinion.

These Jerusalem artichoke pickles retain the pleasing, crunchy texture of raw Jerusalem artichokes, but have a spicy, sweet-and-sour zing, and a cheery yellow color imparted by turmeric.

Harvest the tubers after the first frost, but before they sprout again (time is getting short now that it’s spring), or pick them up at the market when in season (I’ve seen some at Trader Joe’s recently). If you harvest your own, you must clean the bejesus out of the soil-caked knobby knobs, but it’s sooo worth it. And don’t peel them – unless you’re masochistic!

Gifted with so many Jerusalem Artichokes, I needed to multiply the recipe below by six! If you don’t feel like canning, this recipe makes only 2 pints, which you will eat in no time. I doubled the sugar amount, which is reflected in the recipe, but adjust sugar to your liking.

Pickled Jerusalem Artichoke
Adapted from The Lee Bros. Southern Cookbook
Makes 2 pints

1 ¾ pounds Jerusalem artichokes, washed
1 quart water
2 tablespoons kosher salt
3 cups cider vinegar
1 cup water
3 tablespoons sugar
½ teaspoon whole black peppercorns
¼ teaspoon coriander seed
3 whole allspice berries
½ teaspoon whole red peppercorns (optional)
¼ teaspoon ground turmeric
2 dried red hot chilies (Thai or chiles de arbol)

• Bring a 3-quart pot, three quarters full of water to a boil. Set jars and their lids, along with a slotted metal spoon in the boiling water to sterilize. Boil for 15 minutes, then remove carefully with tongs, and set aside.
• Trim bad spots from tubers, and cut the tubers into chunks between the size of a grape and a walnut (you should have about 4 cups of artichokes chunks).
• In a bowl, combine artichokes, 1 quart of water, and one tablespoon of salt, stir to dissolve. Soak for 4 hours on the counter top, or overnight in the refrigerator. Drain and rinse the artichokes, then pat them dry.
• Bring vinegar, 1 cup of water, the remaining 1 tablespoon of salt, sugar, and all the spices except the chiles to a boil for 4 minutes.
• Using the slotted spoon, place one pepper in each jar, then carefully pack the jars with the artichokes, and pour the hot vinegar brine over the artichokes up to 1/2 inch below the neck. Place any remaining spices in the pot into the jars. Seal the jars, and process in boiling water if canning (I processed these 15 minutes). If only making a small batch, allow to cool, and store in the refrigerator. Unprocessed pickled artichokes will keep for about 4 weeks in the refrigerator.

Kool-Aid Pickles

While I was away recently, I left a food experiment in my refrigerator. No, not your usual what-molded-while-I-was-away experiment. I read an article in the New York Times about a food craze that’s getting the kids down South and in other locations excited – Kool-Aid pickles! - so gave it a go.

Apparently, Mom and Pop owned convenience stores and neighborhood entrepreneurs are selling dill pickles pickled once more in Kool-Aid. It sounds gross, but Kool-Aid pickles can’t be any worse than the pink pickled pig’s feet and pink pickled eggs in those large plastic jars sitting by the register at convenience stores that we used to dare each other to eat when I was young. (No one dared touch the pig’s feet, but a few brave souls tried the pickled eggs. No one went back for seconds.)

I made a double strength batch of cherry (red) and tropical punch (blue) Kool-Aid. I drained the dill pickles, and poked the pickles with a fork about 15 times to let the Kool-Aid seep into the pickle. I then left the pickles swimming in the double strength Kool-Aid in my refrigerator for a little over a week.

When I returned home from my trip, I peeked in on the little cukes. They were not evenly dyed by the Kool-Aid, but it was time for the moment of truth. Were these kids on to something? Or were they taste bud-challenged?

I bit into a cherry Kool-Aid pickle first. Not horrible. It tasted like cherry Kool-Aid and a dill pickle. (Sorry, there’s just no other way to describe it.) The second and third bites, though, made me a little nauseous. Oh, this is so wrong! Pregnant women couldn’t even crave something like this.

Next up were the tropical punch pickles. These I liked better. The tropical punch Kool-Aid complimented the dill pickle better than the cherry Kool-Aid. (Never thought I'd say that sentence.) The tropical punch pickles tasted more like a pickle than Kool-Aid, which is why I could actually finish a blue pickle without feeling ill.

Conclusion – These kids is Ka-ray-zee! Or maybe I fugged up the experiment somehow. I doubt it.

Green Tomato Pickle

I’ve been waiting to harvest the end-of-the-season green tomatoes that won’t ripen - not to fry them, but to make green tomato pickles. When I visit my dad, he always has homemade pickles, chutneys, and hot sauces in the pantry. He could survive forever on the many jars of pickles and cases of wine stored in his closets.
This is a sweet pickle he devised from a handful of recipes. Follow the recipe, and you’ll have enough to can. I’m not going into canning, but if you’re interested… Not prepared to can? Reduce the recipe to make just enough for one container, and eat it within the next couple of weeks. That’s what I did, because when the apocalypse comes and the terrorists win, I’m looting! First stop: dad’s house.

Green Tomato Pickle
makes about 6 pints

1 peck or about 40 small green tomatoes, sliced thinly
4 cups onions, sliced thinly
salt
4 cups sugar
4 cups white vinegar
2 tablespoons celery seed
1 bay leaf
1½ teaspoons ground mustard
¾ ounce mustard seed
12 whole cloves
8 allspice seeds

• Alternate layers of tomatoes and onions on a large platter. Shake salt on each layer like you’re salting a meal.
  
• Cover platter with plastic wrap and store overnight in refrigerator. Salt will draw moisture from the tomatoes and onions, so place platter on a rimmed baking sheet to catch any water that may spill.
• The next day, drain tomatoes and onions in a colander.
• In a large pot, add the tomatoes, onions, sugar, white vinegar, celery seed, bay leaf, ground mustard, and mustard seed. Place cloves and allspice in a cloth bag, and add to the pot.
• Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 1 hour.
• Spoon into sterilized canning jars and seal.