I come to bury Hot Pockets, not to praise them.
The evil that men eat lives after them;
The good that is oft interred with their appetites;
So let it be with Foodette. The noble Hot Pockets
Hath told you Foodette was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievious fault,
And grievously hath Foodette answer'd it.
Here, under leave of Nestle and the rest-
For Hot Pockets are an honorable food;
So are they all, all honorable foods-
Come I to speak in Foodette's funeral,
She was my friend, faithful and just to me;
But the Hot Pockets say she was ambitious;
And the Hot Pockets are an honorable snack.
She hath brought many groceries home to the refrigerator
Whose nutrients did the general coffers fill:
Did this in Foodette seem ambitious?
When that the hungry have cried,
Foodette hath wept:
Snacks should be made of sterner stuff:
Yet the Hot Pockets say they were delicious;
And Nestle is an honorable man.
You all did see that on the website
I thrice presented her a Kinder Egg,
Which she did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet the Hot Pockets say she was ambitious;
And, sure, they are an honorable snack.
I speak not to disprove what the Hot Pockets spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love her once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for her?
O judgment! thou art fled to freezer burnt favors,
And men have lost their taste.
Bear with me;
My heart is in the freezer there with Foodette,
And I must pause till it come back to me.



No comments:
Post a Comment