Brothers All Natural Strawberry and Banana Crisps

Here's a snack from Brothers All Natural, a mixture of strawberry and banana fruit crisps. At first, I was really excited to eat these, because I saw the words "freeze dried" and that made me think "astronauts and pee bags," but then I realized that these were not even remotely affiliated with astronauts. I'm all for eating healthy and organic, but to me, these feel like a consolation prize of a snack than an actual treat.

These were interesting. Part of me felt like I was being a good girl and eating something light, and another part of me felt like I was eating baby treats. When I poured them out of the bag, they made a crinkling sound like broken glass on the desk, a slightly disturbing sound for something I would later ingest.


The banana crisps were slightly better than the strawberry crisps, in that they actually tasted like bananas. That was where the similarity ended. They were milky and creamier than real bananas, but not in a good way. More of an, "I think these are overripe" way. On the Official Scale of Banana Hierarchy, (OSOBH) they were one step above plantain chips, two steps above overripe, bruised, mushy nanners, and one step below delicious green bananas.

I have decided not to draw this out for you, by popular request.

The strawberry crisps had a weird tang and crunch, as though they had way too many seeds inside, and left a chewy, sticky film in my mouth. They turned gummy and flavorless as soon as they hit liquid. I tried to resuscitate them with water, but to no avail. They were dead on arrival.


I had a hard time photographing this, because I had so many thoughts about mortality and fruit. I ended up doing a twelve photo composition with simulated fruit husks and a three page dissertation, but it was completely useless and also non-existent, so I've just included some photographs. I wish these were tastier.