Mint Chocolate Chip Wrigley's Extra Dessert Delights

Sweet Jesus, this is going to bring about another crazy slew of viewers like those damned dessert pills. Seriously, what is it about this obsession with food tasting like other foods but not textured the same? I've noticed it especially with desserts. Dessert gum, dessert pills, dessert track marks on human arms so you can seamlessly inject Hershey's syrup into your veins- on the go!

When I saw these in the grossly overpriced convenience store, I almost peed myself. I've always wanted to make out with someone (you know who you are) while simultaneously tasting like ice cream. Ice cream in the gum section? That's inconceivably gross. Or inconceivably awesome. I can't quite decide. But rest assured, this will not become a new staple of any little Violet Beauregarde.It's funny because it's in my freezer, as though it has actually replaced ice cream. Incidentally, it has not.

Upon unwrapping this, I inwardly cursed myself. Of course it's going to taste like mint chocolate chip ice cream...it's fucking mint flavored gum. Putting that thought aside, though, the taste is predictably interchangeable with most regular chewing gums. It's minty. It's got that slightly sour bite. It's chewy and gets increasingly chompier as the sugar goes out of the gum.And it's not mint chocolate chip ice cream. Aside from the color, that quintessentially inaccurate bright green, it tastes like mint gum repackaged as ice cream. I taste no chocolate and no creaminess, and I was bored by the fifth bite. I don't even know how chocolate would be possibly translated into gum form. Bummer, Wrigley's. You almost had me for a second. I'll just have to find a way around my obscure, impossible fetish.