Ah,
British candy. You'd think it would be similar to ours, but no, it's a Bizarro-world level of awesome.
Their cuisine may look staid on the outside, but on the inside, in their Sainsbury's and Mark and Spencer's, they get a little bit freaky. Goat cheese potato chip freaky. You like it. Hell, I like it.
I'd sacrifice every Double Down in the country for a fair fighting chance at getting my paws on a few pints of Newcastle Brown Ale ice cream. That's why I embarked on an epic transcontinental treat trade with Cinabar of Foodstuff Finds, who sent me a massive package of treats from across the sea, including these "segsational" Terry's Chocolate Orange Popping Candy Segsations.
Before I start waxing nostalgic,
I need to get the word "segsational" and all of its permutations out of my system. It holds the title of both being the most irritating word to type and the word that is also most likely to make me think of a Stegosaurus when I say it out loud. Please bear with me as I type this word no less than twelve times.
It is so unnatural to type. My left hand's going all over the home row and I swear that I just heard Mavis Beacon shoot herself in the face. Segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational don't you know there's fire in the hole and nothing left to burn. Phew! Done.
These candies are
fucking adorable, which is even better than reguar type, like stock photos of tabby kittens. They are individually wrapped in
a maroon/purple wrapper that I think would look really excellent with my complexion, were it in shirt form. There were 14 candies in the bag, which, though a little roomy for its contents, was detailed and colorful. I'd have purchased these if I'd seen them on the shelf. Terry's describes these as
milk chocolate with real orange and popping candy. No word as to whether the popping candy is real yet.
Each segment is individually wrapped and looks like a
slightly less detailed piece of Terry's regular sized Chocolate Orange, with little orange skin dots on the outer edge. They are
visually appealing and clean, with small bumps designating where the popping candies lie. They are flat-bottomed, and that part does lack any design, but does make it easier for them to lay flat. This also a clever way to facilitate both the selling point and creepiest feature of the product. Taking a note from classic Valentine's Day conversation hearts, these, too,
employ phrases to catch your eye as you eat. Unfortunately, these
sound like they were taken from the transcripts of a made-for-TV serial killer. I think the most upsetting was "
Let's play!" emblazoned across my pock-marked candy before I ate it, followed by "
Outrageous!" and "
Chatterbox!" Also, please take note that if I'm ever convicted for a pyramid scheme a la Gordon Gekko, I want my prison nickname to be "Big Kiss." Nobody will fuck with me. These use more exclamation points than I do when I write these reviews after a few drinks.
In any case, they taste excellent, despite my anxious worries as to whether or not I'm accidentally ingesting small bits of one of Jack the Ripper's ladyvictims. The chocolate flavor is
smooth and not too sugary. 40% milk chocolate is a good balance between substantial and sweet. This particular blend has a
caramely, milky base similar to most UK Cadbury bars and carries that
quintessential orange oil flavor- slightly bitter, very citrusy and cuts through the sweetness of the chocolate quite well.
The texture is
soft and grainy, made grainier by the inclusion of the popping candies.
At first, these manifest themselves similar to Rice Krispies in a Crunch bar, simply an irregular texture and a bit of a crunch. As the chocolate melts,
the candies aerate and pop more, melting against the tongue and popping quite a bit. They aren't any particular flavor, so it doesn't detract from the overall chocolate orange experience. I like these. I'm curious to see what other phrases I get. They're a clever snack in a unique combination.
Before I start waxing nostalgic, I need to get the word "segsational" and all of its permutations out of my system. It holds the title of both being the most irritating word to type and the word that is also most likely to make me think of a Stegosaurus when I say it out loud. Please bear with me as I type this word no less than twelve times. It is so unnatural to type. My left hand's going all over the home row and I swear that I just heard Mavis Beacon shoot herself in the face. Segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational segsational don't you know there's fire in the hole and nothing left to burn. Phew! Done.
These candies are fucking adorable, which is even better than reguar type, like stock photos of tabby kittens. They are individually wrapped in a maroon/purple wrapper that I think would look really excellent with my complexion, were it in shirt form. There were 14 candies in the bag, which, though a little roomy for its contents, was detailed and colorful. I'd have purchased these if I'd seen them on the shelf. Terry's describes these as milk chocolate with real orange and popping candy. No word as to whether the popping candy is real yet.
Each segment is individually wrapped and looks like a slightly less detailed piece of Terry's regular sized Chocolate Orange, with little orange skin dots on the outer edge. They are visually appealing and clean, with small bumps designating where the popping candies lie. They are flat-bottomed, and that part does lack any design, but does make it easier for them to lay flat. This also a clever way to facilitate both the selling point and creepiest feature of the product. Taking a note from classic Valentine's Day conversation hearts, these, too, employ phrases to catch your eye as you eat. Unfortunately, these sound like they were taken from the transcripts of a made-for-TV serial killer. I think the most upsetting was "Let's play!" emblazoned across my pock-marked candy before I ate it, followed by "Outrageous!" and "Chatterbox!" Also, please take note that if I'm ever convicted for a pyramid scheme a la Gordon Gekko, I want my prison nickname to be "Big Kiss." Nobody will fuck with me. These use more exclamation points than I do when I write these reviews after a few drinks.
In any case, they taste excellent, despite my anxious worries as to whether or not I'm accidentally ingesting small bits of one of Jack the Ripper's ladyvictims. The chocolate flavor is smooth and not too sugary. 40% milk chocolate is a good balance between substantial and sweet. This particular blend has a caramely, milky base similar to most UK Cadbury bars and carries that quintessential orange oil flavor- slightly bitter, very citrusy and cuts through the sweetness of the chocolate quite well.
The texture is soft and grainy, made grainier by the inclusion of the popping candies. At first, these manifest themselves similar to Rice Krispies in a Crunch bar, simply an irregular texture and a bit of a crunch. As the chocolate melts, the candies aerate and pop more, melting against the tongue and popping quite a bit. They aren't any particular flavor, so it doesn't detract from the overall chocolate orange experience. I like these. I'm curious to see what other phrases I get. They're a clever snack in a unique combination.
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