Rita's Peeps Italian Ice

Haven't you taken pleasure knowing that a food was fueled on the deaths of millions, or on the basis of insufferable cruelty? Pâté, for instance? Or veal cutlets? How about the kitchen of Semi-Homemade?

Well, yesterday, I had a confection that rivaled all. It took millions upon millions of tiny, smiling, droopy-beaked friends, it squashed them down, ground them up, froze them, and blended them into something incredible, so saccharine, yellow, and pee like in comparison, that they could only sell it for one day, but it rocked the nation like Tiger Woods rocked every single woman in the world.

It was Peeps Italian Ice at Rita's.Yesterday, at their Free Italian Ice day, Rita's debuted a new flavor of ice for one day only, the Peeps flavor, and I had to try it. It was bright, shocking yellow, like unnatural urine after a binge of Mello Yellow or a raver's funeral. The flavor was pretty unnatural, too. It tasted like Peeps, I suppose. Like the sprinkles on Peeps, more. It also tasted like cake batter. The flavor, after a while, was way too intense. And by a while, I mean approximately three bites. Peeps are a fun novelty item because the flavor of marshmallow is partially diffused by the air that separates it. With this, it's like eating marshmallow concentrate, and it's pretty gross.

I thought the concept was cute, and I think it could be jazzed up a little and improved- like the quintessential toasted marshmallow milkshake idea, maybe with a shake, and a Peep on top? But this was watery and icky, and after a few bites, I left it on my dresser, and coming back and seeing it melted? Not pretty at all.