Frontera Limited Edition Chipotle Pumpkin Salsa

As I've mentioned, I'm moderately obsessed with the chill of autumn. Now that it's getting to be time for gloves and huddling, though, I'm finding out, as I do every year, that I'm only obsessed with the idea of looking moody and lost in thought in the chill of autumn. After that one perfect profile picture is snapped, I'm cursing and looking for the nearest shower to warm up in.

I needed a snack tonight and found myself longing for the salsa and chip appetizer generally accompanying warm, summer nights out in the yard. And then I remembered this crazy salsa we had in the back of the fridge. I grabbed this at a time, mid-July, at the Fancy Food Show when eating it seemed a little blasphemous with all the green and red salsas lying around. But I'm good enough at planning ahead that when I see freaking pumpkin chipotle salsa, I know that come October, I'm going to be nomming for eight because it's so good. And this was a Rick Bayless creation that seamlessly bridges the gap between summer and fall, a man whose takes on Mexican have been salivated over many an afternoon in Whole Foods. I met chef Bayless, strongarmed a jar of this, and waited four months to write about it. That's dedication.

You'll notice this jar is propped up like a taxidermied Anne Geddes baby. I don't give a crap. Inside that jar, which, mind you, is clearly the more boss of seasonal flavors- eff you, heirloom tomato, is a smoky, sweet combination of chunks of peppers, tomatoes, and pumpkins bathed in a perfectly executed chipotle sauce. Chipotle is incredibly overrated, but when paired well, it's transcendental. And this is paired very, very well. It's not so much a smoky flavor as it is charred, with bits of blackened pepper and tomato skin floating around in the sauce, giving it a deep, rich flavor and an intensely smoked bite. At first, there's no heat, and I didn't expect there to be with all of the pumpkin spices, like nutmeg, cinnamon, and brown sugar, giving it a rounded, sweet potato-like flavor, but after a few bites, a lingering heat emerged and persisted for quite some time.

Like some of the other pumpkin products I've sampled, this manifested its fall colors in the spices it used rather than the ingredients, despite there being actual pumpkin in this. I've come to realize that that's a boon rather than a bust, because the texture of pumpkin could upset the balance of a salsa with its heavy, wet mouthfeel and is pretty flavorless on its own. Though admittedly, a little thickness couldn't hurt. This separates very easily, even after thoroughly shaking in the jar. If watery salsa annoys you, these are not the droids you're looking for. With such an emphasis on utilizing pumpkin, this had the thin consistency of a heavily tomatillo based salsa, which it was. It wasn't very enhanced by the gourd at all.

It's worth noting, however, that Bayless not only used pumpkin in his salsa, a feat unto itself, but used a special Mexican variety of pumpkin called the calabaza. It's part melon, part gourd. You know it as the plant that produces the popular squash blossom. It's still a pumpkin. Don't say the guy didn't try. The only element this is missing is the crunch of toasted pepitas on top, an easy hack that will turn this into the perfect fall appetizer. I can't wait to try this as a heated sauce over pasta or on top of pulled chicken tacos.

A. Fieschi Mostarda di Cremona

Where did all the apothecaries go? As I write this I feel like I'm giving the weltschmerz laced air of a woman who has seen it all and bought the t-shirt. Granted, I have never seen an apothecary, but I would trade the sterile, monochromatic blandness of Walgreen's Pharmacy for those musty coiffers. The closest thing I've found lies in foreign groceries, the kinds in small cities where dust comes free with every purchase and meat comes in alive and often leaves alive as well. This particular treat resembles those murky jars with mysterious contents and comes from First Tracks as an intriguing gift. With a little research, we found that mostarda di Cremona is a condiment from Northern Italy consisting of preserved fruits in a mustard powder sauce. Despite looking a lot like alien eggs, it's quite a unique regional product. It's one of those things that has been around for centuries, unbeknownst to most of the American population. I had not heard of this prior to receiving it, making it that much more intriguing.First Tracks advised us to consume the little fruits with preserved Italian meat, like proscuitto, but before that, we had to perform an initial investigation. In other words, I needed to touch that fruit. It's not every day you get to pry tiny fruits out of a gel-filled jar. The fruits inside were mainly stone fruits- peaches, nectarines, pears, and such, but also included a tiny orange. The consistency was thicker than a standard canned fruit syrup and more like a corn syrup texture- just as sticky. It had a spicy, sweet scent. The strangest thing about it, though I suppose this was more disorientation strange than actually strange, was that it tasted exactly like mustard, though with this thick, syrupy mouthfeel. Definitely unique.
The little fruits inside were surprisingly firm with mushiness only from the baby pear. When we cut into them, they harbored a crystalline, jellied texture reminding me of solidified polymers and tasted like the sauce in varying degrees. Out of all the fruits, the orange worked best with the spicy gel, the rind infused with a bitter, sweet flavor and a citrusy zing from the oils. I'd definitely try chopping this up in sesame noodles or on top of some roasted chicken. It was the kind of flavor that really seems to impart its sensations on other foods. We wanted to try these in a traditional application, so for dinner tonight we made a prosciutto and fresh mozzarella pizza with a few sliced fruits on top. Keepitcoming snacked on a few slices with some pieces of prosciutto as an antipasto. To drink, we took the cava and basil cocktail from The Roost and tweaked it to our liking. The end result was casual, and yet decadently sophisticated, something I could see myself eating out of the fridge as a snack or serving as a light summer lunch to friends. We extracted the little gems and sliced them into translucent wedges on top of the pie. Though we tried to wash some of the syrup off for fear of burning, a good deal of it seeped through the pizza crust and caramelized into a sticky area underneath. However, this was no problem- it transformed an unseasoned crust into a delicious, savory sweet treat! It did make it a bit difficult to handle. The flavor of the fruits really changed during the cooking process. The orange still remained the most intense and sauce-infused, but the peaches were gelatinous and juicy. The overall flavor was a charred, meaty, juicy spiciness, like pineapple ham or citrus marinated meat. On top of the pizza with crispy mozzarella, it was absolutely heavenly. A natural combination- meat, fruit, and cheese, just seemed to be bumped up another level as it was paired with peppery, piquant flavors. The heating element seems to be tricky- heating it too much dilutes the full spectrum of flavors.If I hadn't already loved such a combination, this would have rendered me into a convert for sure. I was surprised at how versatile a condiment it was. I think my next step would be to incorporate this into a dessert, perhaps as a key ingredient in an individual crisp or mixed in with some ice cream. It really defied its hyper-specific ingredients, creating a delightful and universal set of flavors for all seasons.

SPICY WEEK PART 5: Spicy Ketchups

Keepitcoming and I just returned from a little vacation, so that explains for the lag in posts. But never fear, Spicy Week will persevere! Before we left, we made a batch of fries for dinner and tested out our five spicy ketchup contenders.
Surprisingly, none of the national brand ketchup manufacturers, like Heinz and Hunt, opt to sell a commercially viable spicy ketchup. The closest I could find to a widely recognized brand was the UK subsidiary of Heinz, which makes a "twisted" ketchup with both mild and spicy chilies, but since that wasn't easy to procure, I turned to the smaller brands.To test our ketchups on, we made a mild, baked fry with a flavor that balanced out the ketchups. We chose a blue and white cornmeal crusted french fry, and they turned out to be quite tasty and served as a good base for our testing.
Our first ketchup was a jalapeno ketchup from Spice It Up. It smelled good and was very thick, but had a bland, salty flavor with a small heat at the start and little depth. It didn't compliment nor enhance the fries and toned down to a plain ketchup flavor by the end of the bite. The heat gradually grew, but the seasoning stayed the same, and in the end, it just tasted a little too plain.
Heat- 2
Flavor- 1
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OVERALL- 6We then moved on to a ketchup from Intensity Academy. With a name like that, it could deliver any number of things. To our surprise, the ketchup we tried didn't live up to its moniker. This was the chai chipotle 'chup, and it has to be consumed immediately upon pouring. We learned this the hard way, for as soon as we looked the other way, the ketchup separated. The flavor was nice, if a little mild, but didn't really taste of chipotle or chai, and was pretty soupy.
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Flavor- 2
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OVERALL- 4
The next ketchup came in a different bottle from the others, and that was Big Paw ketchup. Strange name and a moderately strange ketchup. It was extremely difficult to extract this from the bottle. It was a very thick ketchup, but somehow had issues adhering to the french fries. I suspect this is from a high oil content that did not mix very well. The flavor was delicious, though, with a strong, smoky chipotle flavor and a bold fruitiness from the 'mato. Too bad the texture makes it impossible to dip with.
Heat- 3
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OVERALL- 7We were nearing the last of our test subjects. This next ketchup featured not hot peppers, but more of an Indian spice selection. Maya Kaimal's ketchup informed us that this would be "a little sweet, a little spicy, and a little Indian." It had a zesty bite of curry at the beginning of the taste, and a really nicely defined, sweet cumin flavor. Unfortunately, the lines defining "spice" and "spicy" seemed to have been slightly blurred. This was more of a spice-heavy sauce than a heat intensive one, but still delicious nonetheless.
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OVERALL- 8The last ketchup of the night was Juan's Fiesta Ketchup. This was a no-brainer as far as our favorite, because it was perfectly scoopable and smearable in its texture, with a distinctly peppery and distinctly tomatoey flavor within its overall composition. This was the ketchup we kept dipping in over and over after our testing and dredging up the final smears because it was so good. It was smoky, but not overbearing, and had a natural, sweet base. The burn was fantastic, because it was built up and then cooled down by the tomato. Really tasty and really well-crafted.
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OVERALL- 9

TOP SPICY KETCHUPS
Juan's Fiesta Ketchup (9)
Maya Kaimal's Spicy Ketchup (8)

SPICY WEEK PART 4: Spicy Mustards

Day three. We've gotten past the tough stuff and are now sailing smoothly. I neglected to inform our participants that this would probably be the hardest category to do well in, as I consider myself a highly professional mustard connoisseur. But with seven contenders for the prize of best mustard, I found myself up against a team of seasoned and spicy surprises...Like last time, we judged on four categories, with three points for heat, three points for flavor, three points for appearance, and a point for a label, 'cause that shit is for real. To accurately measure the saucy spiciness of the Mustard Carbohydrate Soakage Scale, we swapped out our wing hack, McNuggets, for something a little more traditional: soft pretzels, son.
Our first mustard was another selection from Crooked Condiments, an ale-based mustard. It was smooth in its appearance, but had an acrid, grainy texture like lumpy gravy and a one-noted bitterness that overwhelmed the pretzel and somehow rendered it mushy. It didn't taste like mustard or ale and didn't have the heat we expected it to have, instead carrying more of an astringent sting. It didn't really didn't go well with the snack and left a bad aftertaste in our mouths.
Heat- 1
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OVERALL- 3The next mustard we tried was another condiment from Saucy Mama. As you know from our last tasting, Saucy Mama represented one of the top three condiments in the regular hot sauce category, so we were excited to see if their quality carried on in between sauces. This was a chipotle mayonnaise in a squeeze bottle, with the same clean label of the wing sauce. This had a nice texture and flavor, but for the first few dips, had a viscous feel that made it a little difficult to adhere to the pretzel. I had to employ a "scoop method," one that I rarely use for its difficulty in execution and high tendency to ruin clothes. But the result was worth the risk. The mustard was smoky and creamy, with a nice textural irregularity and chunkiness to it.
Heat- 2
Flavor- 3
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OVERALL- 8
After that, we sampled a most unusual condiment. Here's a riddle for you: What's bright red, smells like peppers, but isn't peppers? It's Dave's Gourmet Hurtin' Habanero Mustard, with slogans and flames and spice all up in this bitch. This dog's bark was worse than its bite. Everything about this screamed pain and agony, but it was really a lot of smoke and mirrors. The heat burnt a little, but was pretty mild and clean, with very little aftertaste. The sauce was bright red and would probably make an outstanding topping for a fancy appetizer, but isn't best for heat aficionados. It was more of a presentation-based condiment than one that relied on heat. Decent.
Heat- 1
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OVERALL- 7It would seem we'd entered the realm of zany and strangely colored mustards, because up after Dave's was a cranberry mustard from Up the Creek. Like Dave's, this was bright and sassy, with a nice pink tinge and an almost jammy texture, like a home-canned preserve. It had a sweet, tangy cranberry flavor and a nice salty balance, but lacked that zip that I so desire in a good mustard. It wasn't spicy at all, and I found myself craving a little heat to go with the sauciness of the berries.
Heat- 0
Flavor- 3
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OVERALL- 6After the last few, I was craving something with a decent heat to it, so we turned to the Food and Wine jalapeno mustard aioli. This reminded me of the Saucy Mama in its appearance, but had a creamier, more uniform texture and milder flavor. It must have been the added cream in the aioli, but this just didn't deliver the spice I wanted it to, despite boasting a sweet tanginess.
Heat- 0
Flavor- 2
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Label- 1
OVERALL- 5We then came to another repeat offender, a different selection from Dr. Gonzo's. This time, it was their Drunk Stunt mustard. From the moment we opened the jar, we knew this was going to be special. The mustard was not blended, far from it- it was a seedy study in autumnal colors, held together by minimal liquid, and stuck to the spoon as we scooped it onto the pretzel. From the first bite, it was clear that this was no ordinary mustard. It was dizzyingly smoky and flavorful, with a bite and spice that kept growing. At the end, the smoked heat, a palatable and savory burn, lingered for about a minute. I feel like I could put this on anything and it would make it instantly gourmet. It was like the golden touch of mustard. The depth of the flavors kept growing with each sampling, each new thing it was paired with. It was perfect, and I will savor my small jar as though I would a fine wine.
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OVERALL- 10Following that was tough, but we remembered that Pain is Good gave Dr. Gonzo's a run for their money in the regular sauce round and swept the death category, so that was our last mustard. This was less of a mustard and more of a pourable sauce, so it might be less optimal for sandwiches and better as a dipping sauce. As soon as we opened the bottle, we noticed how smoky this was, on par with Dr. Gonzo's. While it lacked a distinctly mustardy texture, it had the tang to make up for it and a powerful, clean burn. Definitely jalapenos.
Heat- 3
Flavor- 2
Appearance- 2
Label- 1
OVERALL- 8

TOP THREE
Dr. Gonzo's Drunk Stunt Mustard (10)
Pain is Good Jalapeno Mustard Sauce (8)
Saucy Mama Chipotle Mustard (8)

The top three are neck and neck! Who will win the prestigious award of Best of Spicy Week? Stay tuned, hotheads...