Doritos 1st Degree Burn: Blazin' Jalapeno

Dude.

Seriously?

Frito Lay, are you on massive amounts of cocaine and possibly, the influence of your own lemonade?

1st Degree Burn. I don't know where to begin with this one. I mean, do you know what a 1st degree burn looks like? It's not so bad. However, the degrees go up and all of a sudden, you're getting horrible, Clockwork Orange-style images broadcasting in your head over and over while eating these chips.

Frito Lay, a third degree burn is nothing to sneeze at.But onto the chips. Clever marketing, really, if you're exploiting burn victims and pyromaniacs and pyrophobics or whatever. I think I'd be kind of pissed if I saw these on the shelf after being scarred, but that's just me. The chips are in a bag that is ON FIRE, people, so take caution that these won't burn you, ha ha ha.

Frito Lay, I have long since ceased all amusement.

The flavor is good. With these chips, it starts out with its bark being worse than its bite. You smell these, and they smell pretty intense, and then taste them, and to be honest, my first impression was pretty weak. I got flavors of cinnamon, of all things, and then a sweet, fruity jalapeno taste. It was definitely sweeter than a lot of pepper flavors that I've had, but about the level of heat that I expect from something with peppers in it.After a few seconds, the burn kicked in, and it started not on my tongue, oddly, but in the back of my throat, a lingering heat that made me grab some lemonade. It stays there, too, and it just keeps getting more intense. It was like sitting through a bad Robin Williams movie. The aftertaste of the heat, which made my nose run and irritated my mouth, stayed and stayed for about six minutes after the chip, on my tongue and in the back of my throat, like I'd decided it would be fun to detonate a can of pepper spray on my tongue.

These are fun chips, but after eating four of the 1st degree chips and wimping out, I'm a little afraid of the next two degrees of burn. Maybe this is a project for Swagger. Or maybe I'll just have to man up.

Fat Pride Times also reviewed these and offered to send me a few bags of these in the event that I couldn't find them in my area, but I ended up finding some last night. Thanks, guys!