Vitamin Water Connect

If you ask me, Facebook is going the way of Old Yeller. Applications are creeping up like rabies and hidden charges everywhere, and soon we're going to have to take it out to the backyard and shoot it in the skull.

Facebook is going to get one last product placement in, though, just you wait. I almost peed my pants when I saw this. I've been looking all over for it, and yesterday, while back at the old stomping grounds, I was ecstatic to find it in a little grocery store. That's right, the new Vitamin Water flavor, Connect. You can connect with your friends over a mutual diabetes diagnosis after drinking too many of these. You can connect with a nameless hookup by sharing one of these- after all, you both already have syphilis anyway, what's the difference? You can connect by sharing this with your bailiff as you read the subpoena for using "Facebook" too many times without a copyright...uh-oh.In any case, I was pumped. I scared the man at the cash register and took it home right away, and enjoyed it with a good sandwich today at lunch. The flavor reminds me of all the friends I had on Facebook that I ditched for a free Whopper when Burger King had that promotion- it lingers for a while, asking me why I dumped them, and I gently had to wash it down with a little water. It's not subtle at all. The cherry flavor is really intense, but not too sweet, like the clingy one night stands that I sometimes hear from or the ones that everyone stalks. You know you've done it. It hits you first with the olfactory, and then, when you take a sip, reminds me of the juice boxes I had when I was a kid and the awful couples on Lamebook- overly syrupy and full of additives. (Sometimes bitter, too. Oh, and that's a Burgundy glass because that's sort of where this falls.)Oh, and stop posting your baby photos on Facebook, people. You're not a baby anymore.

But where's the lime? I wanted a cherry limeade, Vitamin Water. When I burped after drinking, I got a hint of lime, but overall, the predominant flavor was distinctly cherry. The disappointment was like logging onto Facebook, many moons ago (for the Foodette is always shackin' up with the males!) and discovering that I had been dumped, seeing the little broken heart next to my name, coincidentally the same color as the juice in the bottle. "The Foodette is now single." What a bummer, Vitamin Water. You've broken my little foodie heart.

I'm going to go post a status update about this retrogressive flavor.

Or, you know what? Fuck it, I'll Tweet this.