Candyfreak

When my Dad mailed me his softly used copy of Steve Almond's Candyfreak: A Journey Through the Chocolate Underbelly of America, a book about one man's reminiscing of the loss of his favorite candy bar and the resulting pilgrimage to independent candy bar manufacturers in the US, this was the third book about chocolate and candy that other people had given me within the past year. Were people trying to tell me something?

Yes, they were. I am a candyfreak.

I've never denied that I love sugar, dessert, and all things candy-like, but within the first few pages of Candyfreak, I got a sugar rush from reading the casual, candid, candy revealings of Steve Almond -- someone who understands!

Candyfreak is not new. The book was published in 2005 to rave reviews, and resulted in many people searching for the book's featured regional, hard to find candy bars -- thanks to the big guys like Hershey, Mars Nestle, and the ridiculous racking fees required by the big box stores that make it nearly impossible for the small guys to get a piece of the pie. But if you haven't read Candyfreak, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy. It's a fast, witty, and sweet read.

Candyfreak was so sweet, it inspired me to search out and sample some of the regional candy bars Almond wrote about. That's coming in the next post, but, first, I'll preface my candy bar research with proof of candy freakdom. Come along as we look at my the most prominent candy memories.

Candyfreak Family

Granddad - Kept a bowl of candy at arm's reach from his recliner at all times, as well as a drawer in the kitchen filled with Little Debbie's. On every visit, he took us to Kroger to fill up on all the bulk Brach's candy we wanted. Really, this was a guise to keep himself stocked. Brach's Royals, were my favorite. No one ever ate the Circus Peanuts. (In the photo: Granddaddy sits me down at a young age to tell me just how sweet life is.)

Mom - Also had a drawer in the kitchen filled with Little Debbie's. Three cookie jars sat on the counter, as well, and were always full. The drawer and cookie jars were never off limits to us kids, and, hey, I turned out fine. We ate breakfast, a home packed school lunch, and a home cooked meal every night. And cookies whenever we wanted!

Dad - Chocolate connoisseur. A safe in his office kept "the good stuff" locked away from the kids. When feeling generous, he'd let us sample some of his chocolate. Makes a kid feel special...or cheated.

Hubba Bubba Made Me Do It
The following is my first, vivid candy memory. I'm not sure how old I was, but I'm guessing pretty young since a tricycle was my get-away vehicle (yep, that's me on my trike over there), and I had no understanding of money. All I knew is that grape Hubba Bubba bubble gum was the tastiest thing ever, and Mom obliged my addiction and delivered a package of the choice gum every time we went to the grocery store.

Feeling an urge for some Hubba Bubba, I grabbed my younger neighbor and best friend, we hopped on our trikes and started the seven block journey to the nearest Piggly Wiggly to, I guess, steal some grape Hubba Bubba.

We only made it about three blocks (uphill is rough going on trikes) before my best bud's mom found us as she was driving around in her station wagon in search of the two of us runaways.

We were not runaways! I knew exactly what I was doing -- going to the Piggly Wiggly to get myself some Hubba Bubba. I've always been self-sufficient.

Heather F
Bath Oil Beads Make For Crappy Candy
I was naive and painfully shy when I arrived at the bed and bath department of a department store with my Mother. As she was browsing the towels, a large bin of round, smooth bath oil beads caught by eye. Holy Mother of God! A huge, open tub of candy at child level. Too shy to bother my Mom with a request for candy, I filched a ball and popped it in my mouth. The flavorless plastic-like shell burst with my bite, and soapy oil filled my mouth. Worst candy ever.

Jaboobie
Now And Laters Will Pull Your Teeth Out
No, really. I've never had a piece of candy accidentally pull my teeth out, but I did employ Now And Laters as teeth-pulling servants on multiple occasions when in my teeth-shedding years. Too much of a weenie to pull them myself, and too fearful of the string-attached-to-tooth-at-one-end-and-attached-to-a-slamming-door-on-the-other-end, I went the sweet route.

1. Place Now And Later in mouth to warm for maximum stickiness.
2. Position Now And Later over loose tooth.
3. Bite down firmly.
4. Yank jaws apart quickly.
5. Remove bloody tooth from Now And Later.
6. Eat Now and Later.

mateoutah
Who Stole My Candy?
At age twelve, I was probably trick or treating for one of the last times that I could get away with going door to door begging for candy without feeling slimy, and this last run was a good one...except I couldn't find my bag of candy the next morning.

We searched my friend's house who I was sleeping over with high and low. No bag. We went down to her cousin's house to see if he jokingly took my bag. No bag. What we had was a serious freak-out on my part, and a not so clever plan to get more candy.

How about we go trick or treating again, telling the people who open their doors that our father (we're, of course, related to each other at this point) was out of town on Halloween, so we couldn't go trick or treating? People always have left over candy the next day. Brilliant!

While I'm sure no one believed us, they surprisingly doled out the goods, except no one had left over candy. They had granola bars, pudding packs, and such every day snacks. Ugh!

Turns out, I put the original bag of Halloween candy on a shelf over my head, forgot where I put it, and I couldn't see it when I was frantically looking for it. Doh! To this day, if anything is over my head (not hard to do), it does not exist.

greenlook
In Germany, Chocolate Makes Everything Better
During high school, I spent a month in Germany with a family as an exchange student. Before I went over to Germany, a girl from the same family spent a month with my family. She had an eating disorder that bordered on anorexia, and, naturally, she thought I was a little piggy who loved chocolate and sweets. No, and yes!

In some sort of combination of frustration with their daughter who wouldn't eat, and an attempt to make the little piggy, goth-like American girl happy (I swear I was never goth -- just afraid of sun damage, and have a resting face that says, "eat me"), my host parents showered me with huge bars of chocolate...almost daily! I couldn't eat them all, so shoved them in my suitcase. They thought I was eating them since they disappeared, so gave me more. I flew home with so much German chocolate that summer. Score!

Presently
I have plenty more tales of candy freakdom, but, really, how much can one take without being drunk? What are things looking like currently? Well, I just got finished eating a butt load of candy bars, which you'll witness in the next post; a bucket of candy lives in my closet (that's it over there); multiple candy bars live in my cheese drawer in the refrigerator (chocolate over cheese any day); and chocolate chips are always in the pantry at the ready (for emergencies, i.e, bedtime snack).