Bear Fruit Bar: Organic Apple Raspberry

Bear Fruit Bar has dared to definitively answer the timeless question that has haunted the human mind for generations: "Do bears shit in the woods?" Now, we've been long accustomed to assume that the correct response is a simple "yes." Esteemed readers, thanks to my field research with the Bear Fruit Bar, I can accurately report that the truth is not what you've been lead to believe. Bears shit 4" by 1 1/2" flexible bricks and they are marketed as the Fruit of the Bear.


I sampled the Organic Apple Raspberry flavor. It took a special effort of will to refrain from photographing it on a toilet. Instead, I posed the bar on top of my favorite page of my favorite sternly judgmental book about needlepoint. The bar had a tangy yet innocuous fruity taste. Its more prominent feature on the palate was the presence of densely packed, irregularly shaped fiber particles that lingered in my mouth minutes after taking a small bite. This bar has condensed all the negative features of fresh fruit into a form that even the makers of Soylent Green would consider a little 'too real.'(On behalf of Foodette Reviews, I would like to thank Keepitcoming Love for taking one for the team and eating this ass, as well as writing field notes on her experience with Bear Fruit.)